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Sunday, October 15th, 2006
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A wakeless breath leaves the mouth, threading its way past cars, trains and skyscrapers.
As it passes through the trees, it notices they are turning vibrant shades of warm colors. Though it is not summer, staring at them makes the breath glow warm. Even for a short time, before their leaves fall, littering the dead ground with color, mother nature's organic canvas.
The breath travels. It is inhaled with a sweet scent of overpriced coffee, warming the drinker's body with a heavy breeze of fall and mocha, only to be exhaled again into a pumpkin spice air.
It passes through laughing children in costumes, one by one as they taste chocolate, sighing heavily with happiness. They skip down sidewalks, sneaking to doors, slapping knockers, and screaming "Trick-or-Treat!"
Breath beings to waver. It hurries on it's predestined course. It enters the mouth of a crying baby, giving him breath and life to live, and be born in the season. As he is handed to his mother, a warm glow of fall fills his body.
Though he does not know what it is, it warms him.
Indulge yourself in fall.
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Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
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Christmas was somewhat exciting. I got some good vintage movies, some old records, and a used acoustic guitar. I also got a leatherbound journal, in which there were two pressed small budded flowers. They were a little purple in color, tinted yellow from their age. It appears as if my grandmother had kept it a long time.
Family is okay sometimes, but most of the time, its more worry. I always worry that I'll be tossed aside into a bin with the rest of the christmas paper trash. Everyone just gets caught up in the hustle and bustle, and yet we always seem to forget that there are always feelings that need to be approached, forgive and forget.
I think I've grown older this year. I feel somewhat accomplished in staying alive for yet another year.
Lights
White lace fell from the sky, and my vibrant blue eyes stare upwards. Some little flakes catch on the wool of my coat, and I brush them off absent mindedly with my leather clad fingers. Rubbing my shoulders quickly, I hurry to my car. Christmas dinner is tonight, and I cannot afford to be late. I put the keys in the ignition, and turn. The old thing manages to sputter to life, and we pour out of my driveway.
As I pass through the constant darkness, I see a glow through the trees. Is it some kind of alien lifeform? What kind of object glows like this through the darkest dark of night? I can't possibly believe that it is christmas lights. There have been scrooges and old people living in this area for many a year. It cannot possibly be a little christmas cheer.
But as I drive through, I see it. A small little christmas tree, on someone's porch, glowing with the fury of 20 giant trees. At the very top is a sparkling star, and its bright white light seems to penetrate every corner of darkness on that porch. This house has made a impression on the darkness in everyone's hearts, and as I drive down the road. People who have never pulled up lights before on their property, bringing the street to a luminious glow.
I smile, knowing there are still some things, some simple things like lights at christmas, that give a glow to someone's smile, and help people get into the holiday spirit.
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Thursday, October 20th, 2005
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Sorry I've bene gone for a while. I started up at school again, and between that at working under Holly the ice princess, things have been tough. My computer also crashed, so i had to pay to get it fixed. But now everything is alright and setting into place.
I got a new layout, wallpaper, and all icons courtesy of ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) icon_goddess. If you ever want quality icons, just check her out. She's very talented.
So I'll write some poetry for you before I go.
Wake up sleepy head
Wake up sleepy head
for it is no longer time for bed
open your lids, open your eyes
get dressed in your suit
and your bows and ties
walk to work save some gas
maybe time might fly past
catch some exercise and a meal
Go to work and stamp your seal
Why work? you say, why bother?
you will work just like your father
work hard for your money
work hard for your food
so wake up sleepy head
you've slept real good.
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Monday, September 12th, 2005
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What would happen if you were to leave?
I think my dear, I'd cease to breathe.
What would happen if you left me alone?
I'd be a lonely person around my home
What would happen if you were lost?
I'd search for you forever through the frost
Can't you understand how I feel?
I love you truly, all for real.
F o r E m i l y
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Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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Indian girls are gorgeous. Especially the indian girls in those indian movies. I wish I could sing like an indian guy. I absolutely love that music.
I've been sorry lack of updates and my emo/goth poetry. I know I know, one of these days I'll just start wearing the black and listening to Cradle of Filth and not wonder what ever happened.
Oh mr. guitar in the window, you will one day be mine. Yes. Yes you will.
Sickness
Sickening, the sound of your voice
calling my name from out of the void
even though we broke apart so long ago
like atoms, millions of lights
But you already broke me before
you don't get another chance
I can't take the hurt again
your blames, your tears, your excuses
Just remember, i'll be the one who's happy
this time around
No matter what you do or say
I won't end up with you, and it will stay this way.
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Sunday, August 21st, 2005
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I'm working. Isn't that enough?
Seven Starry Skies
I wish I lived under
s e v e n s t a r r y s k i e s
I wish I breathed under
s e v e n s t a r r y s k i e s
I wish I loved under
s e v e n s t a r r y s k i e s
instead of just one.
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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
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when your heart begins to beat
will you think of me?
when my lips touch yours
will you cease to breathe?
when you cry for me
will it be the last tear ever shed?
when you die for me
will we still be in love when we're dead?
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Thursday, August 4th, 2005
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So what if i'm superficial?
Isn't everyone? In the end, aren't we all just worried about being hurt?
Today was definately a slow day. I stood in front of a pawn shop window for a while staring at this acoustic guitar. It was so lovely, and I wanted to pluck it's strings all night long. I'd do that baby right, playing some good songs on her.
Too bad i don't know any good songs, let alone I can't even play the guitar.
I guess i'm forever destined to be a triangle tapping kind of guy.
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Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
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| Time: | 9:41 pm. |
| Mood: | curious. | | Music: | Needle in the Hay-Elliot Smith. |
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I wonder what the web of lies holds?
Does it hold something hidden? Hidden beyond the darkest door? Hidden where no eye can see?
I wonder, if I searched for it, would it lead me on a adventure?
Or just deeper into thought?
Cannot fathom why secrets are being held, hidden, pryed from lips. Longing to be spoken, to be heard, to be feared.
Secrets are always dark and unpleasent things. Things that eat away at the human souls that they cling to. Sucking, Drying the life out of us until the day we die.
What does the web of lies hold?
Nothing but despair, which is why it should stay gone forever.
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Saturday, July 30th, 2005
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I met a real nice girl today who's on livejournal too. She's really fun. Her name is Madi n.n
She's too young for me, but it doesn't stop her from being adorable. Went out with Vince and Katie after work today. Might I just say that Johnny Depp definately has my heart. Katie was like "omg Julian, its so weird that you like guys. It's just too freaky to hear a guy saying how cute another guy is."
Then Vince pipped up "What is wrong with you Katie? Hell, I'd go gay for Johnny Depp."
Today was definately a good day. I didn't have to work because I wasn't scheduled, which was awfully nice. Holly is still a bitch, and she makes me want to quit becase she always has a problem with everybody and everything they do.
Annoyed as always.
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Thursday, July 28th, 2005
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Listening to the silence
Can't understand why I'm like this.
Alyways looming
always silent.
watching.waiting.searching
Cannot find a legitimate reason
To breathe any more. This pain. It fills me
Fills me with what?
Dishonesty.Hope.Despair.Peace.Longing.Patience
Nothing will fill this empty soul
For this soul has been drunk dry.
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I'm glad I got off work at noon because I have been lazying about my apartment ever since. I think later I'll catch up with Vince and we'll go see a movie or something. Holly wasn't there today, so I had a peaceful day in the cubicle without her nagging.
Katie is extremely adorable. She cut her hair in a pixie cut, and I couldn't stop looking at her hair when she was blabbing away at me when she dropped off my mail. I interrupted her and was like "Sorry to interrupt you Katie, but you look extremely adorable with that new haircut."
Katie: "Julian, are you gay?"
After I quit laughing I informed her that I was in fact bi, so I swing both ways. There was a moment of silence before she took one of my cards and wrote her number on it.
How am i so smooth that I don't even have to ask for people's number anymore?
-sigh-
Oh to be young and apparently desirable.
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Today was a very boring day.
I went to work as usual. Holly nagged as always. I swear, sometimes I think that woman is satan in a skirt. "did you get this done" "I need this on my desk" "Could you stay late today and file stuff?"
I was waiting for when she was going to ask me to pick up her dry cleaning. The day she's actually nice to me Hell will freeze over. Shit, the day she's nice to ANYBODY hell will freeze over and all the demons will ice skate.
I hate my job. But then again, who doesn't?
A spider has made himself a home in my window. I'm inspired.
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I'm still figuring livejournal out so bear with me. I'm working on the html of my page to make it the way i want. I think I am going to do a dark spiderweb thing. Hopefully things will work out the way I want them to.
~Julian
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julianbarnes's journal